Ask A Lady Bit: Vagina Talk!

As I said in our first Lady Bits post, I am obsessed with reproductive and sexual health. It's what I love to read about, learn about and I've been lucky enough to work at a reproductive and sexual health clinic where I got to talk about these things all day. It's gotten to the point where no topic is taboo but rather a common occurrence in everyday conversation with my friends. And you know what I realized? A lot of us have the same questions, worries or stories, but nobody realizes this because there's no space to talk about it. Instead we're left wondering and googling, which can lead to a lot of mystery and worrying. But that's not how it should be! Instead we should all enjoy the chance to talk openly, ask questions and enjoy the comfort in knowing that there are a lot of other people out there thinking and wondering about the same things.

So Lady Bits friends, I present to you Vagina Talk*, a safe space to talk about reproductive and sexual health in a straight forward and supportive way. I'll be sharing news, stories and answering your questions related to all things reproductive and sexual health. Let's get started!

*while this is called Vagina Talk, this will be a space to discuss all body parts and sexual health matters related to all genders. I just really like the word vagina.

Photo credit: 4000 Years For Choice

Question: My period is late... when should I take a pregnancy test? 

Late periods are never fun and can be super stressful. If you're concerned you might be pregnant, taking a pregnancy test will test for the pregnancy hormone hCG in your urine. If you're taking a home pregnancy test, you should take it first thing in the morning since that's when your urine is most concentrated. When home pregnancy tests are accurate can vary on the brand but in general, most pregnancy test brands are accurate one week after a missed period. If you don't want to take a test at home, pregnancy tests at clinics can be accurate as early as 10 days after your last unprotected intercourse. Need a clinic? Use this awesome clinic finder!

If you take a pregnancy test and it's negative, know that stress, life changes or even increased exercise can alter your cycle. But if you still haven't gotten your period and are feeling pregnancy symptoms, you should take another pregnancy test one week after your last one just to make sure. Since every body and cycle is different, for some people the levels of hCG may be too low to be detected by a test during the first few days after a missed period. If you still haven't gotten your period for three months, make an appointment with a doctor to check out what's going on.

Finally, if your period is late, you have a negative pregnancy test and are on the pill, Nuva Ring or Patch, it's really important that you start your next pack/ring/patch when you're supposed to even if you haven't gotten your period! If you go longer than 7 days without your pill/ring/patch, you won't be completely protected and should use a back up method for a week. 

Do you have a question? Submit it to Lady Bits for Anna P. to answer! 
While Anna P. is experienced in providing evidence based, comprehensive and sex positive sexual and reproductive health education, Anna P. is not a medical practitioner and should only be used as a health education resource and not a substitute for medical care. If you need medical care, referrals to clinics and additional resources are located in each post. 

Now and Then: Favorite Books

Our friend and reader Levi submitted a question to Lady Bits asking about our favorite books as adolescents. We love the question (and the man -- check out his wonderful podcast) so much that we decided to do him one better. Read on to find out about our favorite books, then AND now.

(If you would like to submit a question to the Ladies, you can do so over on the right side of this page. We'll never publish your name without your permission.)

Steph, Then: I was always the kid with her nose in a book and my library habit was epic; no wonder I grew up to be a speed reader/English major. If I had to pick an actual favorite, it was probably Catherine, Called Birdy, a feminist-y diary set in the 1200s England. You followed a 14 year old girl as she avoided the goons her father tried to marry her off to, and her (gag) journey into womanhood along the way -- I had a hard copy and I checked the book-on-tape out from the library multiple times. I was also really into books about truly terrible things, like serial killers, teens getting terminal illness (*cough* Lurlene McDaniel *cough*), and all the bad scenarios Caroline B. Cooney ever dreamed up.

Steph, Now: I am moving across the country in two months and will be majorly downsizing the pile of material objects I call my own, so this question hits close to home -- I am already dreading trying to decide which books will make the cut! I get hooked on authors more than I do actual titles, so my shelves are filled with Jean Thompson, Bill Bryson, Mary Roach, Chuck Klosterman, John Irving, Amy Tan, Tim O’Brien, Studs Terkel, and Stephen King. The last good book I read was King’s 11/22/63, a novel about a man traveling back in time to prevent JFK’s assassination. It was a great blend of history (and In Cold Blood-esque “imagined history”), sci-fi, and that feeling you get when you finish a book and immediately miss the people and places you have become so attached to.

Rachael, Then:  I suppose I was closer to 11 or 12 when I read Where the Red Fern Grows but that book stayed with me for a long time. I think it buried itself into my heart and tore at it in a way no book had done before. When I was a true adolescent (13-18), I was enamored with Mark Twain and John Steinbeck. Grapes of Wrath engulfed me and I read everything else Steinbeck wrote after being assigned that book. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn also holds a special place in my heart because it is the first book I remember laughing out loud to. And of course, all of the Laura Ingalls Wilder Little House on the Prairie books. My mom, sister, and I would cuddle up and read those together before bed when I was really young and that is a memory I will always cherish. 

Rachael, Now: This is a much harder question for me to answer. I still love to read and am always reading something. When I traveled for a month through Central America with my sister I read 12 books! I love hostel's take one leave one book policy. Some that pop to mind are The American Wife by Curtis Sittenfeld; lovely, smart, and loosely based off of Laura Bush who, if she's anything like the character based off her, struggled to balance publicly showing support while internally taking issue with some of her husband's policies. Also, Cutting for Stone by Abraham Vergese; an incredible look at all the various types of love. Love of self, love of craft (in this case medicine), familial love, romantic love, love of country, obligatory love. Also if you want to be completely swallowed by a book, read The Hunger Games, I know it's trendy but that's one of the few books where even when I wasn't reading it I could not stop thinking about it.

Anna Wegg, Then: The first book I ever loved was The Giver. I so clearly remember finishing the book and feeling sad, hopeful, exhilarated, and enriched. To this day it's still one of my favorites. Another book that I remember loving as much as The Giver around that age is Ender's Game. It has all of the dreamy, inventive, heartfelt aspects of The Giver, but with added suspense and excitement. I can't believe all these years later a movie is finally being made of Ender's Game. I hope it meets my expectations, which are tippy top high.

Anna Wegg, Now: Since I work for a publisher now I hardly have time to read books that aren't our own. But my very favorite books to read that I will pre-order and wait and wait for them to come are books of essays by funny women that I love. Bossypants, Is Everyone Hanging Out With Me, A Girl Walks Into a Bar, and Happy Accidents are four of my most recent favorites. But I don't want to hate on the men. Michael Ian Black's You're Not Doing it Right was excellent and so heartwarming and honest. I'm ready to read it again soon.

Anna P, Then: One of the first books that I remember loving was Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech. I also loved Philip Pullman's Northern Lights trilogy. The books are addictive with the perfect mix of science fantasy, complex plots and high paced adventure. And of course there was Harry Potter. My obsession with the series began the summer my grandmother read the first book aloud to my cousins and me. From then on I was always at the bookstore the first day the new book was released, and I've reread all of the books many many times. 

Anna P, Now: The last book I read that I really loved was Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides. It is so beautifully written and thoughtful, that I was genuinely sad when I finished it. Another favorite is the book that first got me obsessed with birth: Baby Catcher by Peggy Vincent. When my best friend gave it to me, I had no idea how much it would change my perception and passion for birth and pregnancy. Like Anna Wegg, I also love books by my favorite funny ladies, and the romantic sap in me adores The Time Travelers Wife and One Day, even though they are the only two books that have made me cry.

Ask a Lady Bit: How to handle a serial canceler.

We have had some questions come in via our handy "Ask the Ladies a Question!" feature at the side of this page. Yay!  As you know from our intro post I am very interested in all kinds of relationships. How do we communicate with one another? How do we make these connections with people work? The following is a question regarding an issue I think we all have had to deal with. 

>>What do you do when you have a friend who cancels on you all the time?

Oh Lady, do I ever know how irritating/frustrating/disheartening this can be!  It can make you feel like you aren't important or valued as a friend.

First, I just want to say sometimes there are going to be people in your life that are a little bit flakier than you'd like them to be.  Part of friendship is accepting people's flaws and loving them anyway. Secondly, there is a chance that even if you confront your friend about the issue, and they do become more reliable, they will (probably) always be a little on the "flaky" side and you should be prepared for that. 

I think the first thing you need to decide is, is this friend worth it?  Do they bring something to the table that makes their friendship worth the trouble? OR is it time to just let the friendship naturally dissolve? If you decide to let the friendship go, which can be sad and difficult, remember life is short and your energy is best focused on positive relationships in which both parties are active participants. 

Let's assume you decide they are worth the trouble. In that case I think the best course of action is to talk to them directly.  Real friends do not want to be hurtful, and they may not know that cancelling plans bothers you.  Say something like, "I really value our friendship and I have sooo much fun when we hang out, but I feel like our plans are consistently being cancelled and that really hurts my feelings. It makes me feel like you don't value my time or our friendship very much."  And then I would add a specific thing you'd like to see change (remember baby steps!) such as, "I understand that sometimes things come up, but I would really appreciate it if you could give me 24 hour's notice so that I can make other plans," or "If something comes up and you do have to cancel, I would appreciate if you can make an effort to reschedule." 

Now comes the test. Try to be patient, it might change quickly only to fall back into the same pattern, it might be smooth sailing, or maybe nothing changes (in which case I refer you back to my first question, are you sure they're worth it?). Remember to acknowledge your friend's effort and let them know you'd rather they take the time to check their schedules before commiting to a plan, vs. scheduling something and cancelling.

Good luck!