Behold the bun maker!

I'm feeling bunnier than ever.

I bought a Conair bun maker from Walgreens a year ago but my hair was not long enough to use it at the time. (Due to a rogue bleaching experience, I have determined that my hair grows approximately one and a half inches per year. The average is 6 inches per year.) 

Cut to a year later, I pulled that saucy bun maker out of the closet last night and WHAMMY — my hair is long enough now. 

It's very easy to use. You just make a pony, wrap the bun maker once around the top of the pony, wrap your hair around that and cover up all the mesh parts, then put a hairband and bobby pins around all of that jazz. Bing bang boom. Voluptuous ballerina hair for $3.49. Enjoy yourself!

How to make hair static go away for the rest of your g-damned life

A few years ago I was so fed up with winter temperatures and things like coats and scarves making my hair full of static that the only thing I could think of to do was go to the hairdresser and get a bunch of my hair cut off. 

But as any of you who live in a cold climate know, shorter hair just means shorter hair still filled with static. So I just lived with it, trying to dunk my hair in water every time I went by a water fountain, or sometimes becoming so desperate that I used my own saliva to mat it down. 

Until my hairdresser turned me on to THIS little guy. Moroccan Oil. I don't know anything about it except what you can see on the bottle, and that it came from the place I get my hair cut (The Fox Den at 704 W. 22nd St, Minneapolis).

If I spray a little spritz of that golden static juice, my hair stays straight down all day, only touching me in appropriate ways. Not clinging to my face for dear life, trying to get into my mouth and eyes and driving me nut-balls crazy. 

If you're not able to get down to The Fox Den, I was able to find it on Amazon. Enjoy your new life!